Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Too Young To Settle




(My boyfriend and I) 

I don't know about your family, but my family constantly suggests that I should be dating casually as a young woman. Not settling with just one guy, but rather getting to know a couple of them at a time, letting them take you out, go to the movies, eat, have fun (much emphasis on that word). Yeah, I was totally into that the minute I started high school. It thought was so exclusive...

I started dating my current boyfriend, Rene, towards the end of my sophomore year in high school. I was about sixteen then. I'm eighteen now, a freshman in college, turning nineteen very soon. Yes, I started this "committed relationship" thing very young, and looking back, I didn't have any idea what I was doing. I do know that I felt very much in love. When I began dating him, I didn't tell my mom because I knew that she would not have understood and probably would have thought the feelings I had for him were young and silly. My mom didn't find out that we were officially dating until the conclusion of my senior year in high school, though she always had some idea because me and Rene were ALWAYS together.

Lately, both my mom and my grandmother have sort of been hinting to me to give up the days of commitment while I'm fresh and young. My grandfather had been telling me that the minute he knew of Rene. If I had trouble finding commitment in relationships and grew tired of them, I would definitely date casually. But I don't plan on ending my relationship with my boyfriend anytime soon because I'm happy. Maybe if they could understand how happy I am, they would feel differently. 

During Thanksgiving, a family member of mine joked that if Rene and I had kids, their heads would be really big. The whole table began to laugh, as did I, but my grandma looked really disturbed and said, "Nuh uh that won't be happening! She needs to get around and meet new people,". Before she could finish, one of her sisters exclaimed that I didn't have to and I asserted myself as well. But my aunt went on to poke fun and say I could do like Kim Kardashian, marry him and just give it at least 72 days. I thought that was funny. But I thought about what my grandma had said and I was a little bummed. 
My grandma married my grandpa at 17 years old. They left Louisiana and ran away to California together (So romantic, I know!) and my grandma gave birth to my mom at 18 years old! My great-grandmother married and had kids young, too. This wasn't uncommon for their generation, practically everyone did it. I'd hate to think that my grandma is warning me not to fall in love at a young age because she regrets it. I remember my grandpa telling me that he just wishes he had invested in an education, but other than that I believe they're happy.
224235_220483601312168_100000515880440_893707_7594932_n.jpg A lot of people say that when you're in a committed relationship at a young age, you hinder yourself from personal growth. That statement is absolutely misleading. When you're young, committed, and obsessed, you hinder yourself from personal growth. And I believe this applies to ALL relationships (I believe all relationships are the same whether their friendships or romance).

Sometimes I do get a little worried. Sometimes I do wonder if investing so much of myself into my relationship would come back to bite me. I know that it's wise to listen to those that are older and more experienced than me, but I also know that relationships are like snowflakes, and that relationship advice is not one size fits all. I want to live life with no regrets and I know that every step is a lesson. I don't want to look back years from now and wonder why I'm not with the man of dreams because I ditched him to "get to know other people". Ugh God. Sometimes imagine what my love life would be like now if I continued to ignore the feelings Rene and I shared before we began dating and went a different route. I don't even know. But I'm glad I made that huge risk, even though I was scared and had no idea what I was doing.


Anyway, long story short: I love my boyfriend. He loves me. We're young. We're dumb. But we grow as incredible human beings together which makes the ride a whole lotta fun. I want to marry him one day. I don't see why not because he's good for me!

Age ain't nothing but a number.

If you like this topic, read these interesting articles about "settling" at a young age and commitment: 

But I'm Too Young to Settle!
I Got Married at 18
Is 25 Too Young to be in a Committed Relationship?

3 comments:

Sheyla said...

I totally understand what you mean Tiana. Best of luck on your relationship. I also believe in living one's life with no regrets so I think you're doing the right thing. Even though I'm also young...

xoxo,
Sheyla
wwww.freestyle-moda.com

Clara Turbay said...

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raven said...

I think if you got married and had a kiddo like TOMORROW that may be a bad situation. But if you both are in love + very content with one another I'd say go for it. You are totally right about it being not a one-size-fits-all thing. We all want happiness, and if you've got it definitely hold onto it!! You'll know if things need to change if the time comes.

Also I must say you look oh-so-lovely with ultra short hair!! Your naturalness is fab.

xx